he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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