shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
