You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
