I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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