What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
40s are totally the cure
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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