I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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