Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
