my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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