I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
