I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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