That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
