One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
