Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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