You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
