i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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