if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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