I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
