the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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