She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
