Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
