he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
did i walk over a car last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
