Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So apparently I’m into choking now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
