All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
