doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
