wanna go halves on a baby?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
