the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
