im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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