Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
