you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
