shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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