Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
