He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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