he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
