just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
