We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
