Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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