So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
