I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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