btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
