So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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