So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
