If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
