did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
