I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
