I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
