I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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