Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
