I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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