$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
