They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
