I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
