Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
