Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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