chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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