I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
