OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
